caroline

my big brother jay now has kids. plural. he has his own family. i am beyond weirded out. he should still be wearing jean shorts with t-shirts tucked in, driving me around in his bronco while we listen to seven mary three, scoring an average of 30 points a basketball game, and dating girls i don't like. when you're young the saying "time flies" seems ridiculous, but i think i'm starting to absorb the concept.

tomorrow [in a matter of hours] i head south, and one perk of this venture will be meeting caroline, my new niece. i fucking hate kids. i really do. but jay's i love more than i knew possible. i always used to say i'd love them til the end of time, but that i wanted nothing to do with dirty diapers. well this past april i incurred a jett bombing, as i was on babysitting duty for more hours than usual. it didn't phase me at all, though. sometimes i build up certain things in my head which i decide ahead of time that i want to avoid at all cost, then when the time comes i'm able to get over it. i know for a fact i've got a double dose of babysitting duty this coming tuesday morning [help!]. i'm praying for clear skies, but whatever comes will be fine. these little people who share my last name do strange things to my capacity for children and the, um, shit that comes along with them. but first, i have cold beers and a fire waiting for me somewhere west on I-10.