new life

this years new years eve brought a big change for my family. his name is jett alexander fenlaw, and he's perfect and beautiful and he smells good. holding him for the first time made a lot of things i've been stubborn about or that i've been holding onto seem so small and insignificant. it was amazing. i could have held him and stared at him all day long, perfectly content.

that day at baylor hospital, my nasty little heart of stone melted. seeing my brother hold his son simply made me lose it. i even teared up in the car on the way back to austin when i realized my hands still smelled like jett. and then the next day i was that girl at the airport crying while waiting to board my flight back to new york. it's pathetic.

it's funny how new life automatically makes you analyze the life you're currently living. i haven't talked to jesus much in the past year, but lately he's been talking to me. i'm not sure how to listen, but i want to.