freedom

i have a permanent reminder on the inside of my left heel, a reminder from a previous lesson learned. a sticky note wouldn't suffice. i have often covered it with a sock, stuck it inside a shoe, and walked around in awful neglect. i grab things off unending shelves i believe will do the trick, but am left empty and chained to something i never intended to sign myself up for.

but now, now i am beginning to feel it again. i look at the (now faded) black ink and remember why i subjected myself to momentary armrest-clutching pain. idealistically i wanted to always be mindful, but realistically i knew i would have to relearn, as is my usual process. and so we meet again.

i finally feel free. not perfect. not moral. not even good. but free. i believe jesus has offered this to me, and it compels me to learn.